On police and cars

I'm about to state a Lebanese truism:

Where there is a traffic jam there is a policeman. Or four.

Seemingly without rhyme or reason Lebanese traffic police don't actually do much beyond taking the place of traffic lights, or marshaling cars around, or more accurately through, roundabouts.

I've come to the conclusion that the ISF (Internal Security Forces) have a deep, institutionalized fear of traffic lights.

Rather than allow these heinous machines to do their (incredibly complex) job of regulating traffic flow, they instead have decided that Charbel and Ali are much better suited to the job.

The results? At rush hour, roundabouts are no longer roundabouts, they're actually junctions where three incoming roads are closed off while one is freed to move. Traffic lights become designated iPod playlist management / radio tuning areas while your friendly policeman (having stopped traffic from one direction, more often than not counter to the color of the lights) chats with the kaak (local bread to the foreigners) guy on the corner. Once you're through one set, the next is so overloaded with traffic that you're often better going on foot.

I remember one day a few years ago when the then minister of the interior claimed that he was going to solve Beirut's traffic problems by increasing the numbers of police on the streets ... By the end of the week my journey home had doubled in length.

Rather than enforce laws concerning speeding, dangerous driving, or seatbelt and cellphone usage (and Lebanon has a truly appalling road safety record) the ISF has decided that they must meet the threat of the traffic light / roundabout head on.

The problem is, dysfunctional as the Lebanese approach to navigating traffic lights and roundabouts is (when the police aren’t present), it actually works. Yes, there are lines, but they move. No, you don’t give way to motorists on the roundabout, when you enter you shove your way on, and out the other side. However, it works, quixotic as it might seem, traffic does flow.

My question is this:

Do the ISF fear erosion of their powers through the insidious spread of the traffic light, or the devious machinations of the roundabout?

Or, is it a case of having too many men and no idea how to use them?

If it's the latter, as I strongly suspect, might I suggest they send the surplus to the back office and have them work on the endless piles of paperwork in evidence at every ISF office I've ever visited?

Though I must admit, they do look very pretty with their lovely white gloves.

(Today's rant was brought to you by "roundabouts" Mkalles and Habtoor.)

Crocodile tears?

Following the mistreatment of a group of Sudanese living in Lebanon, which I alluded to here, there’s been an almighty uproar. Hezbollah, the Sudanese and Lebanese governments and the almighty Guardian have all got in on the act.

Impressive. 

I can’t help but be cynical here. Seems like a lot of hot air and that everything will blow over with no end result.

Racism is rife in Lebanon. It’s a fact of life. That it occurs in the security forces is hardly surprising. Amid all the sanctimonious waffle, at least that’s become blatantly obvious.

But … they can’t all be bad… they’re considering giving Palestinians a few more rights… yeah, right.

Time for this honky to sign off.

Volte-face

Well, turns out that Charbel and co. allowed Oublie la voiture to go ahead, albeit under a new name. The play went through a series of name changes, including, bizarrely, Meryl Streep, before being released under the title of Stoflo.

Ahhh, the trials of posting live news. We live and learn.

Step back in time

There have been a few events in recent weeks that hint that all is not well in the heart of the country. Heavy-handed treatment of refugees and the closing of a play hint at something quite disturbing.

Rachid Al-Daif’s play, Oublie La Voiture, was closed down and people ejected as it was a little too racy for staid (?!) Lebanese views. Hmmmm. Apparently every play has to be vetted by the Lebanese General Security and given a permit. This one had been rejected, ran anyway and was shut down.

 

Charbel felt that the work of Pier Paolo Pasolini had been 
underrated, and if you didn't agree, he'd kick the shit out of you.

Risqué plays are one thing, but violence toward refugees entirely another.

A group of Sudanese refugees were holding a charity fundraiser for a sick child. It’s been described as a “party”. Well, fresh from their turn as avant garde art critics, the police proceeded to break up the gathering.

People were dragged from the building pushed face down on the pavement and generally pushed about. Nice. Not only that, but it was reported that some less-than-pleasant language was used. “Nigger” is a term that most people deem to be disgusting, myself included, unfortunately it is heard quite frequently here. Oh, and the Sudanese are Arabs.

I’m sure I recall hearing Lebanese complain about the Syrians doing similar things when they were in town. Surprised? No. Disappointed? Yes.

But, not to worry, there’ll be an enquiry. And, after all, they got to arrest some illegal immigrants.


Christ.


Time to check my papers methinks.