Thursday, 29 July 2010

Diplomacy 101

Two bits of idle ranting … one international, one Lebanese…

Was quite amused to see big Dave wade into the foreign arena with his colossal size 12’s on display. Cameron clearly failed Diplomacy 101. “Screw you Israel, screw you Pakistan, but Turkey? Yeah, we like you. You’re alright. Kurds? Never ‘eard of ‘em. Now, Turkey, if you could just toddle off and chat to I’madinnerjacket about Tehran’s nuclear plans, that’d be fabulous. EU membership? Sure. It’s just around the corner.”

DM's, perfect attire for the aspiring diplomat

Now … I’m no fan of any of the three countries mentioned above … but … this man is “my” (note the use of inverted commas) Prime Minister.

Note to Dave: The littlest dog barks the loudest. Unless you have the nerve and ability to back up what you’re saying, don’t say it.

Kudos on the Gaza remarks, but who are we kidding, it’ll be back to kid gloves fairly soon.

Ah … Lebanon.

As much as I love you, your schizophrenic nature makes living here akin to dating Glen Close. Sure, was probably good in the sack, but then she was also partial to boiling your family pet. There’s even an endearing term for the girlfriend in her honour.

One minute we’re looking forward to summer, the World Cup, England’s premature exit, drinks on the beach and leaving the office at 4.00. …  The next minute the annual, “It’s summer, therefore there must be a war” theories start emerging. Now, of course, this is all compounded by the fact that it’s a World Cup year … meaning that, if history is anything to go by, we should all be stocking up on tinned food and bottled water.

And, as a contemporary of mine noted, registering with the embassy would be a good idea. – I note that should the time come, it would be my second evacuation. I’m sure Cyprus has something to recommend it, apart from the ability to conduct civil marriages, but Akrotiri Airbase, where we stayed on the way home, is a little Spartan.

Well, this time around all the talk is of a civil war as opposed to the more recent type. You’ll have to pardon my cynicism, Lebanese predictions are all a little too doom and gloom for my tastes.

Whatever your take on the upcoming report on the Hariri assassination, it promises to be an interesting ride until the allegations, counter claims and conspiracy conspiracies resolve themselves. Zionists, Syrians, Americans, Shiite Lebanese or Sunni Lebanese, Martians, whoever’s behind it all, perhaps it was best to let sleeping dogs lie?