The prospect of driving in
Lebanon evokes a keen sense of panic among visitors to the country. It’s loud,
chaotic and generally an intimidating experience for the first few days.
However, when you get used to it, it’s actually a straightforward exercise,
case in point: the roundabout (rondpoint) I drive through every day was
initially christened by my father as the “Roundabout of Death”. My wife tells
me it’s a form of organised chaos … I fail to see the organization part…
However, there are some cardinal
principals to remember and rules to follow:
1. Indicator lights are for the
weak. Do not expect your fellow drivers to use them. If they do, it’s done to
lull you into a false sense of security whereupon they’ll promptly turn in the
opposite direction to which they’re indicting.
2. While driving at night, lights
are optional. Consider yourself lucky if the service coming up behind you has a single operational light.
3. Lane markers operate on along
similar principles to those in the rest of the world, however instead of
driving between the two lines, in
Lebanon you should aim to drive along
the lines.
4. Learn to change a tire /
wheel.
5. Speed bumps are myriad in all
residential areas. The optimal distance between speed bumps is about five
meters.
6. The local residents will
ignore rule 5 in order to practice their off-road talents.
7. Cars with red plates are not
cruising for hookers, they’re trying to pick passengers … preferably stupid
foreigners.
8. It is considered the ultimate
courtesy to roll down your window and play your music as loud as possible,
especially in a residential area after 10 PM.
9. Holes in the road breed
overnight. You might well be familiar with the potholes on any given road
however, come morning there will, without fail, be another. Refer to rule
number 4.
10. Learn to drive in the dark
(because of this), training with a blindfold might help.
11. Forget all rules of personal
courtesy, it’s a jungle out there. It’s cut-up, or be cut-up. Abide by common
decency and you’ll never make it to your destination.
12. Grow a set of eyes in the
back of your head. That way you’ll have time to brace for the hit.
13. Scooter / mobilette riders
are the Devil. Their favorite game is to ride along on your blind spot and then
overtake on the wrong side while cursing at you. Remember, you are bigger than
they are.
14. When in a confrontation with
another car, judge the value of each vehicle. The person with the more
expensive motor has more to lose.
15. Beiruti traffic police are
the most ineffectual people I have ever met. Where there’s a long queue of
cars, there will be a policeman at the end of it.
*This rant was brought about
through losing two tires in the last two months after losing only one in the
previous 7 years of driving here.
