I'm about to state a Lebanese
truism:
Where there is a
traffic jam there is a policeman. Or four.
Seemingly without rhyme or reason
Lebanese traffic police don't actually do much beyond taking the place of
traffic lights, or marshaling cars around, or more accurately through, roundabouts.
I've come to the conclusion that the
ISF (Internal Security Forces) have a deep, institutionalized fear of traffic
lights.
Rather than allow these heinous
machines to do their (incredibly complex) job of regulating traffic flow, they
instead have decided that Charbel and Ali are much better suited to the job.
The results? At rush hour,
roundabouts are no longer roundabouts, they're actually junctions where three
incoming roads are closed off while one is freed to move. Traffic lights become
designated iPod playlist management / radio tuning areas while your friendly
policeman (having stopped traffic from one direction, more often than not
counter to the color of the lights) chats with the kaak (local bread to the foreigners) guy on the corner. Once you're
through one set, the next is so overloaded with traffic that you're often
better going on foot.
I remember one day a few years ago
when the then minister of the interior claimed that he was going to solve
Beirut's traffic problems by increasing the numbers of police on the streets
... By the end of the week my journey home had doubled in length.
Rather than enforce laws concerning
speeding, dangerous driving, or seatbelt and cellphone usage (and Lebanon has a
truly appalling road safety record) the ISF has decided that they must meet the
threat of the traffic light / roundabout head on.
The problem is, dysfunctional as the
Lebanese approach to navigating traffic lights and roundabouts is (when the
police aren’t present), it actually works.
Yes, there are lines, but they move. No, you don’t give way to motorists on the
roundabout, when you enter you shove your way on, and out the other side.
However, it works, quixotic as it might seem, traffic does flow.
My question is this:
Do the ISF fear erosion of their
powers through the insidious spread of the traffic light, or the devious
machinations of the roundabout?
Or, is it a case of having too many
men and no idea how to use them?
If it's the latter, as I strongly
suspect, might I suggest they send the surplus to the back office and have them
work on the endless piles of paperwork in evidence at every ISF office I've
ever visited?
Though I must admit, they do look
very pretty with their lovely white gloves.
(Today's rant was brought to you by
"roundabouts" Mkalles and Habtoor.)
